Be Careful What You Wish For

I thought I had that whole collar thing licked. I was wrong, oh so wrong:

Do not adjust your computer screen. That is, indeed, a pink collar with little flowers on it. I didn't think it could get worse than the pink collar with fake diamond studs, but leave it to Sarah (the asshole) to find something even worse than that to wear.

The worst part? Sarah seems to have wised up since I destroyed my last collar, and now she won't put me in the crate with my collar on (note for the record that Sarah did not do this because she was worried about my safety and the warning on the crate not to put me in there with a collar on. Nope, this is solely a financial decision for her - she doesn't want to keep buying me collars). Of course, she leaves me in the crate for eight hours a day, so I have plenty of fucking time to come up with a way to destroy this new monstrosity of a collar. It's only a matter of time...

I Do Not Need a Collar

Haha! I have succeeded in one of my recent goals:

Destruction of my collar! Sarah (the asshole) seems to think that it's a good idea to make me wear a fucking collar all the time. You know what I think about my collar? It's a way to humiliate me and keep me subservient to her stupid ideas of what I should do with my life. Asshole!

But the other day, Sarah put me in the crate with my collar on (this, despite the warning on the crate not to put me in there with a collar on. Asshole! Do you want me to get it caught on the side of the crate and strangle and die? Actually, you probably do want me to strangle and die. Super asshole!). So you know what I did? I wiggled out of that sucker, and then chewed it up!

Seriously, what did Sarah expect me to do? Just wear the fucking thing? Without attempting to destroy it? The thing was pink with diamond studs. There was no way I was going to wear that thing a second longer than I had to. Asshole.

Do Not Leave Me In Here Again

Oh, Bitch, it is on!


Seriously. I can handle being in the crate all day, because God knows that if Sarah was at home all day, she would drive me fucking nuts, and I would probably have to kill myself just to get a little peace and quiet (daily watchings of The Price Is Right? I swear, there is hell on Earth, and it starts with whatever Sarah decides to watch on television. Have you ever watched Maury? I have, because Sarah TiVos it every single day. I get stupider just by being in the room when that shit is on).

But last night, Sarah decided that I should spend two extra hours of my day in the crate, because she wanted to go out to a birthday party. The worst part was, she came home to let me out, then she took me for a walk, and then she put me right back in the crate! That sort of shit? Not fucking cool. I haven't thought of my revenge yet, but when it happens, it will be quality revenge. Because it is so on, Sarah. It is so on.