Hi all! Sarah is still horrible...it's just that her horrible-ness is almost always found on my Facebook page these days. Come on over and see. It's still very, very bad. And updated almost every day of the week.
So, having been dressed up last week for the 4th of July, I thought I might get out of an outfit for the actual 4th of July.
Turns out, like so many times before, I was wrong. Oh so wrong.
Yet another tiara. Seriously, I've never seen anyone wear one on the 4th of July, yet Sarah has managed to come up with TWO of them this year. And do you see those fireworks in the back? Those things look dangerous, particularly in the hands of someone like Sarah, who can't even manage to get through a day without running into a wall or tripping over something or doing all manner of other clumsy things. I don't want to be anywhere near her when she is setting those off.
Thankfully, I'm up in Wisconsin, where there is plenty of room to avoid Sarah. I have been doing an OK job of that, but obviously, you can see in these pictures that I didn't do a great job, because she caught me long enough to dress me up. In front of the cats, no less, so I'm sure they thoroughly enjoyed my humiliation. It's going to take weeks of chasing them to make up for their amusement at my expense.
This is not the look of a dog who is having a good time. Trust me on that one.
Anyway, have a safe and happy 4th of July everyone!
Last 4th of July, Sarah decided it would be a good idea to paint "U.S.A." on my side. Although I have tried to forget that traumatic experience, it's still burned into my brain.
We're headed to Wisconsin for the weekend, so Sarah decided I needed to get dressed up for the 4th of July today. She had to do it today, because we are headed up there tonight and she wanted to make sure she had something she finds amusing to show off before we get there (I'll be sure to post pics and maybe some video of the trip at my Facebook page). This is what she came up with this year to humiliate me with:
This is your owner's brain at 32, single, and with too few hobbies.
And if you missed it, here's what she did to me last year:
I'm hoping the paints stay at home this year.
Anyway, here's hoping that you have a Happy 4th of July. Preferably one where all dogs you know remain paint-free.
There is a lot that is wrong with the internet (starting with the fact that those stupid cats who can't speak properly have such a popular website - Sarah, unsurprisingly, loves those cats). But I thought that there might be a limit to how low the internet could sink.
Turns out, I was wrong. There is no limit to the depravity of the internet. I give you Exhibit A:
Do not adjust your computer screen. This is a picture of me with fake boobs. I do not understand this at all!
Dog boobs? Really, Sarah? Also, why are these even for sale? There are so many steps of how this went wrong, I don't even know where to start.
Did I mention that these were custom made for me? This is so absolutely absurd.
I'm thinking that this may be the lowest the internet has ever sunk. Totally awful. Sarah, of course, loves them. I am so not surprised.
According to the internet (100% reliable, or so I have heard. And I would know - after all, I'm a dog with a blog), the modern bikini was invented in 1946. Somehow, I don't think this was how the bikini was intended to be worn.
No, this was not a bikini made for a dog. Unfortunately, I am all too familiar with the fact that there are, in fact, bikinis made for dogs.
There is NOTHING redeemable about this outfit. While I am all about the U.S.A., this sort of thing is wrong, and should not be allowed to happen. It is not patriotic, just humiliating. I don't care if it's Memorial Day this weekend, there are much better ways to observe the holiday than putting me in a bikini reminiscent of the U.S. flag. Might I suggest a good alternative way to celebrate this holiday would be to feed me something? As if that will happen with Sarah.
Even if you transported me to the beach (instead of the bedroom floor, which is where Sarah took this picture and which, I assure you, is not beach-like in the slightest), this would still be horrible. There is no redeeming this outfit. Or any outfit meant for a dog, for that matter.
Sarah, in addition to being a horrible person, has a streak of dorkiness a mile wide, as will be demonstrated in this post. This should be her theme song for this particular blog post.
Anyway, Sarah's horribleness is directly responsible for what I am wearing in this picture:
It's a Yoda costume. Or, as Sarah would probably want me to say, "Yoda costume it is." So unbelievably horrible. And dorky.
You see, today is May 4th, which means that people like Sarah who harbor love for Star Wars turn "May the force be with you" to "May the fourth be with you." I can't believe I have to live with someone who finds this amusing.
Adventure? Excitement? Choppy craves not these things. She only craves an owner who does not dress her up for holidays that don't actually exist.
Sarah has returned from Australia. Unfortunately, she returned bearing a gift for me. In the form of a kangaroo costume.
I feel as stupid as this looks. Seriously, what's up with the mittens?
I can't begin to tell you how much fun my time away from Sarah was. Three blissful weeks without clothing, or her pestering ways. And pretty much the first thing that happens when she gets home? She puts me in this outfit. So, so wrong.
This picture should be the sole result of a Google search for "Miserable Dog Dressed as Kangaroo." I can't believe Sarah wasted suitcase space to bring this back from Australia.
I meant to post this earlier, but things have been hectic around here - I have been trying to make sure Sarah doesn't forget any of my important toys for my vacation at the kennel, which is quite hard, as she seems intent on packing only ones that I don't really like (you see, Sarah doesn't want to take what she calls my "old and ratty" toys to the kennel, but they are "old and ratty" for a reason - I love them and therefore play with them).
Anyway, before all this packing got started, Sarah actually did something pretty cool (for her, at least) - she took me to Chicago! Now, I go there sometimes, because it's where my cousin Izzy lives. But she lives away from the downtown part of the city. This time, I actually went downtown with the skyscrapers! And, best of all, not a lick of clothing touched my body the whole time.
Unfortunately, first we had to get there.
Car seats are definitely not comfortable for dogs.
Once we got to Chicago, Sarah risked my life to attempt to get a picture of me with the Sears Tower WHILE WE WERE DRIVING, and she only succeeded in getting a little bit of it, which stinks, because if you're going to risk my life for a picture, you should at least get a good one.
That's the Sears Tower in the upper left hand part of the picture. I told you it was a bad picture.
Anyway, I insisted on sticking my head out the window as we drove through River North (which is a neighborhood), which led Sarah to call me a country bumpkin. For the record, many people we drove by thought it was cute and awesome. Obviously, because I was involved.
Eventually, we got to the apartment where we were staying, with friends of Sarah's from college. They live in an actual skyscraper, and I took my first elevator ride (OK, maybe that was a little country bumpkin like, as I am well over two now).
Here I am checking out the view toward the lake. Pretty good, but not as many squirrels as at home.
Sarah's friends had a dog named Henry. It's very sad, Henry has cancer. But he was still running around and playing.
This is Henry!
One of the best things we did was go for a long walk in the city. There were certainly many smells that I don't get at home.
Walking by the river. Note the distinct lack of grass. Where do people expect me to pee?
We also went to a dog park. Which, like the rest of everywhere, didn't have grass.
That's not grass, it's astroturf. Still, it worked for my body's peeing needs.
After we visited Henry and his family, we went to visit Izzy. That part was cool - I already put a picture of that up on Facebook, so I won't put up another one. Unfortunately, after all that fun, I had to go back to my normal, horrible life with Sarah. However, she leaves tomorrow, so vacation can get started for me!
Sarah enjoys sports. Not playing them (she's too uncoordinated to do anything requiring actual physical ability), just watching them. And, of course, using them to humiliate me. Today is Opening Day for baseball, which means Sarah broke out something for me to wear.
What? Did you expect me to look happy about this situation?
The worst part? Sarah didn't even purchase this. Nope, someone else bought it and gave it to her. So now I don't have to worry about just Sarah dressing me up, I have to worry about others helping her do it!
Because the hat wasn't bad enough as a hat alone, it also has to splay my ears out at a strange angle so I look like I could flap them and fly away.
This stinks. I just keep telling myself that Sarah is going on vacation next week, and I will get to live without her. Here's hoping her vacation will end my suffering, even temporarily.
Now, Sarah does love to humiliate me. I think if you're on my website, you're well aware of this by now. However, she seems to take even greater pleasure in humiliating me on certain days. St. Patrick's Day is one of those days. In case you don't remember, this is what she had me in last year. Not my finest hour.
Unfortunately, it was quite pleasant compared to what she had me in this year.
Like last year, there is the green-colored water that is supposed to be beer. And, like last year, I was given no alcohol to wash away the memories of this outfit.
Most of this outfit is actually a costume Sarah wore. Yes, she actually wore these items in public, for the world to see. This is horrifying. At least she didn't bring me with her.
I look drunk in this picture. I wasn't. I wish I had been.
I am pretty sure she can't outdo this year, next year. I'm sure she'll try, though.