Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Good News & Bad News

So, sometimes life throws me a bone. A few weeks ago, I got thrown a BIG one. You see, Sarah quit her job to go work for her dad - a.k.a., my grandpa! I cannot tell you how stoked I was about this, because my grandparents are up in Wisconsin, which is a place that I love. I immediately began thinking about all of the fun things I was going to do when we moved up there (OK, mostly I was thinking about how I could run away from Sarah all the time and sneak over to my grandparents' house).

But then, Sarah destroyed all of these dreams. You see, instead of moving to Wisconsin, we're staying here in Indiana. I like Indiana just fine, but it's a long way from my grandparents.

However, the worst part of this? Now Sarah is working from home, which means I NEVER get any time away from her. All day long, she is here, hogging the computer, and just generally making me mad with her very presence.

Sarah put me in her new printer's box. Your guess as to the reason why is as good as mine.

Even worse, she can hear every time I get on the good couch or look on the counters, and she yells at me. So not only am I stuck with her, I have to follow all of her rules, all day long. It sucks. Big time.

About the only good thing about this is that I can now go outside during the day as much as I want. The other day, I spent like two hours out in the backyard, just pretending I was on vacation and far, far away from Sarah. That was great. At least, it was great until Sarah interrupted my blissful imaginings. Typical.

Anyway, I have to figure out a way to get her out of the house more often. So far, I've got nothing.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Helpin' a Doggie Out

So, as you probably know by now, I am not a fancy-schmancy purebred dog. Nope, I'm a pound puppy. Straight outta the Terre Haute Humane Society. As such, I'm pretty keen on the whole idea of getting a dog from the shelter. I mean, seriously, I could be dead right now if Sarah hadn't picked out my cute little butt and taken me home (and as much as I hate Sarah, I would rather put up with her crap forever than be dead. Of course, what I really would have liked is to have been adopted by someone who doesn't make it her life's work to humiliate me).

This picture has nothing to do with this post. However, who wouldn't love a face like mine? Even when it's half covered by shades and a scarf.

Now, I pretty rarely do something like promote stuff, but I figured I would today, because all I have to do is write a blog post, and Pedigree will donate a bag of dog food to a shelter! Now, as a dog who both (a) has a blog, and (b) came from a shelter, that seems like a pretty good deal. Heck, if Sarah is going to humiliate me, I might as well help out a dog at the pound who still has a chance to go somewhere better than I ended up, where clothing is something only humans wear.

So, to whatever dog eats the bag of food that got donated because of Yours Truly, good luck finding a better home than I did.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Tailgating and Me: Not a Love Story

So, a couple weeks ago, Sarah took me tailgating. While I was initially a bit apprehensive about this (despite the presence of "tail" in the name of the activity), I was assured that there would be food and fun while tailgating. Turns out, even though I got plenty of food while tailgating, I was not a fan.

First, there was not a lot of privacy to do my business. Now, I may be a dog, but I normally have a nice, fenced-in backyard where I can do my thing without other dogs or people watching. But while tailgating, I was not so lucky. I had a little performance anxiety about my peeing, so Sarah eventually had to walk me like a mile so I would go. While I enjoyed the walk, I would rather just be able to go whenever and wherever I please.

Second, there were a LOT of people. While this is usually OK, most of them were drunk. And not the good kind of drunk where they surreptitiously sneak me tasty treats, but the kind where they demand my affection. Seriously, not cool. I give my love only to those who deserve it. Not to Sarah's drunk friends who fail to properly reward my love (with treats, obviously).

Third, of course Sarah dressed me up:

Do I look miserable? Because I was.

Fourth, of course Sarah would not be content dressing me up in one outfit, so I had to wear a second outfit.

No, I don't want to bring you a beer. My owner is just a tool and makes me wear a beer-fetching outfit that she saw on a beer commercial.

Anyway, Sarah did not take me with her this last weekend when she went up there, but rumor has it I may be going back in a month or so. I hope not. However, I will make plans to get out of it, just in case this rumor is true. I see bad behavior in my future...