Saturday, November 21, 2009

Dogs in the News: Obvious Edition

Here's a headline for you: "Your Dog May Be Smarter Than Your Kid."

No shit, Sherlock.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Dogs in the News: Burnin' Down the House Edition

You know how people are always fucking complaining about news coverage? I’ve got my own complaint over this particular article: “Dog Blamed for $10K House Fire.”

Seriously, news assholes, not cool. Did you ever stop to think about the dog in this story? Did you even consider that the owners of this particular dog might have been fucking lying to get themselves out of trouble?

I mean, look at these lines from the story: “Fire investigators in Baton Rouge say the pup was playing with a pillow a little bit too close to a space heater, and the cushion ignited. Two people were asleep in the bedroom when they woke up at 4 a.m. Thursday to find flames in the room.” That sounds fucking fishy to me. Did this reporter ever stop to think that one of the people who was asleep in the room knocked the pillow onto the space heater? Or, more likely, the humans were getting frisky and knocked a pillow onto the space heater, and were too embarrassed to say so? I’m a fucking dog and these possibilities are immediately obvious to me. And humans think they are so fucking smart...

On the plus side, this article does give me a new idea of a way to piss off Sarah.

Friday, November 13, 2009

I Am Not A Football Fan

So, Sarah (the asshole) is off to watch ND for the weekend in Pittsburgh (allowing me to stay with a friend - suhweet). This is the humiliation I must endure because of her fandom:

What an asshole.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I'm Back, Bitches!

Long time, no bark. A crap load has been going on. If, by crap load, you mean that I have been forced to deal with Sarah (the asshole) and her stupidity on a daily basis.

Today, I am just going to hit on the low lights of the last few months: Hallo-fucking-ween. Or, as Sarah insisted on calling it, "Howl-o-ween."

Here I am in a fucking chicken costume:

Who the fuck dresses a dog up as a chicken? I will tell you who: assholes. Like Sarah. I look like a tool.

Of course, Sarah, being the Supreme Queen of the Assholes, was not satisfied with dressing me up as a chicken. So she bought a SECOND Halloween costume for me:

A pumpkin? The only good thing about this outfit compared to the chicken is that it doesn't involve a hat. Of course, that small plus is outweighed by the fact that it makes my curves look less curvy, and increases the "fat ass" look that I am trying to avoid.

And seriously? Who buys her dog two Halloween costumes? I'll tell you who: a 30 year old single woman without children. What an asshole.