Today, I am just going to hit on the low lights of the last few months: Hallo-fucking-ween. Or, as Sarah insisted on calling it, "Howl-o-ween."
Here I am in a fucking chicken costume:
Who the fuck dresses a dog up as a chicken? I will tell you who: assholes. Like Sarah. I look like a tool.
Of course, Sarah, being the Supreme Queen of the Assholes, was not satisfied with dressing me up as a chicken. So she bought a SECOND Halloween costume for me:
A pumpkin? The only good thing about this outfit compared to the chicken is that it doesn't involve a hat. Of course, that small plus is outweighed by the fact that it makes my curves look less curvy, and increases the "fat ass" look that I am trying to avoid.
And seriously? Who buys her dog two Halloween costumes? I'll tell you who: a 30 year old single woman without children. What an asshole.
Great to see you, Chop. The costumes are... well, yeah... they just are.
ReplyDeleteLook on the bright side, maybe you'll be an angel for Christmas.
Oh, she already bought me a Christmas costume. It's a reindeer outfit with a light up nose. No, I am not shitting you. A reindeer outfit with a light up nose.
ReplyDeleteSo humiliating.