Friday, May 29, 2009

The Outdoors Is a Toilet, it Doesn't Need One

So, Sarah (the asshole) has been up to her asshole antics again lately. Just this morning, she came across an invention that she seems to think would be a great improvement to the backyard:

Seriously? Because it's so fucking hard to walk the twenty feet into the house to flush it down the toilet? If Sarah wants to throw her money down the toilet, I can think of many better ways to do so. I mean, hell, I could just eat it. The money would still end up in the shitter that way, and at least I'd get the satisfaction of tearing it up first.

On the plus side, I did enjoy the part of the video where the dude stepped in the pile of dog crap. That was pretty fucking cool.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Stuck in a Chair

This is just so not cool:

Seriously, Sarah, this outdoes your normal assholishness by so much, it's like you've been taking asshole classes. I mean, really? You went and got you video camera to take a picture of me stuck instead of helping me? That was just plain wrong.

And who has lawn chairs as family room furniture? This whole problem could have been avoided had you bought real chairs, instead of these $10 Wal-Mart things. Heck, even I could get behind the purchase of a couch, even though it might mean fewer toys and less food for me. Plus, it will prevent this from happening in the future, if ever I decide to jump on the chair again.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Puppy Training Has Ended

Now, I may have had some problems with puppy training in the past, but I have to say, Sarah (the asshole) may have been on to something with it. Sure, the whole sitting and staying on command thing is degrading and crap, but getting to hang out with other dogs for an hour is pretty fucking cool.

However, last night, we had puppy training graduation. There was, of course, some humiliation to be had at puppy training:

Seriously? A fucking graduation cap? I think my look in that picture says it all.

Oh, and, of course, because I actually enjoy puppy training, Sarah has decided that I will not start intermediate level training for like a month or two. She claims it's because none of the scheduled classes work for her, but (a) I'm pretty sure she's lying to piss me off, and (b) even if she is telling the truth (unlikely), why the fuck doesn't she have her priorities straight? I should be number one. Screw her schedule, I need my weekly session of fun!

Also, Sarah is really fucking proud of me for passing puppy training:

Seriously, asshole, did you think I was going to fail the class? First, no one fails, so it wasn't even a possibility. Second, how fucking stupid do you think I am? We only learned, like, six commands, it wasn't like there was some brain surgery or something involved here. I would have been fucking pissed off at myself had I failed.

Monday, May 4, 2009

This Is My Kind of Horse

Now, I'm not terribly fond of horses, but this seems to be one I can get behind. Seriously, people "I Want Revenge" is a pretty badass name. Perhaps I can get Sarah (the asshole) to consider a name change for me.