I'm an adorable dog who is stuck living with a 32-year old single woman who has made it her life's goal to humiliate me. Unfortunately, she's quite good at it.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
I Hate Puppy Training Class
So, Sarah seems to have decided that my charms could use some refining. Evidently, her idea of charm and refinement requires me to demean myself by doing things like sitting on command. How this makes me more charming I have no fucking clue. If you ask me (which Sarah obviously didn't), it makes me someone's bitch, and not just in the female dog sense.
However, as you can see from this picture, Sarah seems to think that this is all quite fun and cute, and made me sit there while she took my picture. Asshole.
The worst part about puppy training class is that there are a bunch of other asshole dogs there. Sarah seriously couldn't spring for the private lessons? She's a fucking lawyer, and I know that lawyers make serious bank. The least she could do if she is going to demean me through these lessons is to keep them private, but Nooooo. Instead of getting me private lessons, she had to have two new pairs of shoes last week, as if someone who has 63 other pairs of shoes needs two new pairs. Bitch, please. Shoes aren't snagging you any mans. We all know you aren't going to find a mans until you start lying about what you do for a living. No mans wants to date a lawyer, unless he's a masochist or a retard. Oh, and while we're on the subject, perhaps you should start lying about your age. No mans wants to date a 30 year old when there are nubile young 20-somethings out there. You can probably get away with 28 still, 27 if you start dying your hair. Oh, don't pretend like you haven't seen those gray hairs sneaking in, because I certainly have.
Oh, and do you know the worst part of this whole fucking thing? I have to go back again next week. Sarah is such an asshole.