A Halloween Horror Show

Warning: This post contains horrific images of a dog forced to dress up for Halloween (especially the last two pictures). For your own good, I suggest you find another website to look at.

Well, now that you have been warned, it's time to get to the substance of this post: namely, the horror that Sarah has forced me to endure for my second Halloween on this earth. Not one, not two, but THREE new costumes (plus this shark one from a couple months ago). Seriously, Sarah, there are children in the world who don't have this many costumes over the course of their entire childhoods.

First up, a football costume.

A football, in costume form. Because Sarah was evidently not content with my multiple football-related clothing items.

Next, Sarah broke out the headless horseman:

It's the headless horseman. Actually, it should probably be renamed the headless dogman, as I am not a horse.

But, Sarah saved something horrible - just horrible - for my final outfit. Now, I had thought that the worse costume she could possibly put me in was a cat costume. That would have been humiliating. I should have known Sarah was more dastardly than that.

Turns out, there are squirrel costumes available.

There is nothing good about this costume.

This is not the face of a happy dog.

I hate squirrels. But not as much as I hate squirrel costumes. Or Sarah.

This Butt's For You

Now, with Halloween coming up this weekend, I expect Sarah will come up with at least one (probably more) costumes for me. At this point, I have sort of resigned myself to the fact that I cannot get out of this humiliation, and should just get through it as quickly as possible.

What I didn't expect was that she would find a non-costume way to humiliate me this week.

Now, I was a little suspicious this morning when Sarah started taking pictures of me from behind.

Not my best angle.

However, I didn't at all expect what was coming next.

Yes, it's a flower. Yes, it is to hide my butt hole.

The flower thing on my butt? It's called "Rear Gear." The website calls them "butt covers." I call them unnecessary. Entirely unnecessary. And yet another in a long line of reasons Sarah should not be allowed on the internet.

A close-up, courtesy Sarah's camera. I'm sorry you had to see this. But not as sorry as I am that I had to endure it.

Sarah Went to Disneyland...

So, Sarah went out to California for work last week. This was pretty cool, as I got to go to my kennel/doggy day care while she was away (it's pretty much dog heaven over there - "pretty much" because they have horses that I would like to chase (or at least sniff), but I'm not allowed. Everything else is fair game, though, including like 20 cats. Awesome!). Unfortunately, all good things must end, and Sarah got back yesterday.

Now, Sarah was pretty cool and brought me back a present! At least, I thought it would be pretty cool. I mean, I could think of at least 100 things I would like that involve the word "bacon" alone! But, this being Sarah, there was no bacon involved.

Yes. It's Mickey Mouse ears.

Instead of food, or even a toy (or heck, even nothing!), Sarah brought me back Mickey Mouse ears. Now, wearing a hat like this is already a humiliating experience. We've been over this one before. Dogs don't need clothing, and that includes hats.

Yes, she even paid extra to have my name embroidered on the back. You people think I exaggerate the humility I must endure on a daily basis? Look no further for proof that, if anything, I down play it.

But the mouse ears add a level of humiliation that is just wrong. You know what chases mice? Cats. In my world, cats are meant to be chased. These mouse ears create some sort of strange world where, instead of me chasing cats, the cats might chase me. The mere idea of this will probably give me horrible nightmares.

Yeah, the look on my face here pretty much says it all.

Unfortunately, this means that I can no longer fully enjoy times when Sarah is out-of-town. Who knows what she will come up with to bring home next time she is away.

Socks? I Don't Need No Stinkin' Socks

Sarah should really not be allowed to go to the store without me. I mean, I am a great shopping companion. I head straight for important things (dog toys and treats), and ignore things that we don't need around the house (yet more clothing for me). Unfortunately, I'm not allowed in certain stores. And so, Sarah goes to these stores, and comes home with things that we definitely don't need (like dog clothes).

A great example of this occurred a couple days ago.

Socks? Really? What about it being nice, pleasant fall weather suggested I needed socks?

Sarah came home with socks for me. Now, if I was a sled dog, little booties would be important, so I didn't hurt my feet. But you know what I do with my life? Stare at Sarah and hope that she leaves for a few minutes so I can get some peace/sleep on the good couch (of course, I hope she goes somewhere with no clothing that might fit me when she leaves the house). Plus, the house is mostly carpeted, so it's like I already have socks on wherever I go. The last thing I need is socks.

Unfortunately, this being Sarah, she didn't stop at the socks.

A hat? Really? What about it being nice, pleasant fall weather suggested I needed...oh, wait, we just went through this with the socks.

I have no idea what has possessed Sarah to be on a hat kick lately, but seriously, it needs to stop. Soon.