So, for those who are not aware, Sarah (the asshole) got me right after a trip to New Orleans. Rather than give me a nice, normal dog name, she decided to name me "Tchoupitoulas." Yeah, it's stupid, but what can you do? Until they have name change court for dogs, I'm stuck. Plus, it's not like Sarah is going to call me by a four syllable name every time she yells at me, so I am "Choppy."
Actually, I don't really mind "Choppy," which is what everyone calls me. I mean, seriously, it sounds kind of bad ass. Like, I might take a bite out of you. Or something to do with motorcycles. Or I like to make illegal football blocks on you. Unfortunately, Sarah is not content to call me Choppy, so I get a whole host of other names.
If it's not Choppy, I get "Pork Chop" and "Chop Suey." Yes, asshole, I realize that I am fat, I don't need you to remind me with a nickname that involves food. And Chopster, which is stupid, too, but at least it doesn't imply that I eat a lot (even if that is the case).
This morning, though, the asshole came up with a new one: Sir Shits-A-Lot. Seriously??? Seriously???? Seriously?????
First, asshole, I'm a chick, not a mans. If anything, it should be Lady Shits-A-Lot.
Second, just because I took two craps in the house this morning (and one outside) does not mean that I deserve this nickname. I mean, seriously, it was raining and craptastic outside this morning. Where the hell was I supposed to go? And it's not like three times is excessive, I'm sure Sarah goes at least that many times a day (she certainly spends enough time in there to poop three times).
On the plus side, I took two craps in the house, which really pissed Sarah off. It might be worth the nickname if I don't have to go outside to do my business.
Artie Gets a Puppy
1 month ago